March-23-2008

bunnies and chocolates...and His amazing Grace

Happy Spring everyone!

With today being Easter, I wanted to write not only an update to you, but also to explain why today is such an important day for me.

To update you all, I have been getting "expanded" every week for the past month. The plastic surgeon finds the metal valve of my expander with a magnet, and then with a BIG needle, places 50 mL (almost 2oz) of water. This initially hurt pretty bad, but each week got easier. Now I am FINALLY pain free and awaiting one more "fill up". After that, I will wait a few months until I have another big surgery to replace this hard metal expander with a nice soft and realistic implant. The exciting news is that I am officially starting my job as a registered nurse in the NICU (Neonatal intensive care unit) on April 21st. My hospital is also still willing to pay back my student loans. What a blessing!!! And the icing on the cake is that I have hair! I am even able to style it a little bit with a lot of hair gunk! My life is returning back to normal and it makes me very proud!

I hope you and your family are enjoying a Happy Easter. I have so many awesome memories of this weekend, making Easter my favorite holiday. When I was eight years old, I remember talking with one of my friends after an inspiring year of Sunday school, telling her that I wanted to have a personal relationship with God. That year, I was baptized on Palm Sunday...17 years ago. I didnt realize at eight years old just how important my relationship with God would be in my life, and how much I would learn of His amazing grace. Today is Easter and I stand in awe of what God has done for this world and how blessed I am to be Cancer free.

A lot of people have asked me since I was diagnosed if I have ever blamed God or been frustrated with religion because "why would something like this happen to someone so young". Yet I knew since the day I was diagnosed, that I was going to be going through this for a very specific reason. I just prayed that I would know how my experience could be useful.

I think back to when Jesus lived and walked on this earth, and He probably was asked the same questions. When He dragged that cross up on that hill, how was He not angry or confused about the inevitable truth waiting for Him. But he wasnt. He knew there was a greater purpose. And His life, death, and resurrection constantly reminded me from the day I was diagnosed...all the way through my roughest and saddest times, that there IS a reason for my pain, and that I will be okay. And here I am writing to you cancer free. My only prayer is that my journey helps at least one person along the way. I pray that every night.

So today have fun with the Easter egg hunts, the cute bunnies, yummy chocolate, and family gatherings...after all it is finally spring! But please remember what happened today and how that story is reflected into the lives of people everyday, especially mine. Hard times may seem confusing and unfair, but have faith that you will be a better person for them and that God has loving and awesome reasons to put you through that trial. Jesus is a classic example! And now so is my story of survival. What amazing grace!

Happy Easter :) I will write again when I get a surgery date!

Jami